personality
Personality is the single most important psychological phenomenon that impacts every aspect of our experience, of ourselves and of the world around us. This means that all of our efforts must be focused toward observing and understanding our Personality, and developing the ability to relate to it in a healthy way.
You have only one psychological responsibility in life, and that is to study a doctorate in what it means to be you.
Have you ever wondered why young children have such an uninhibited and pure way of experiencing life? Yes, we can say it is because they have no responsibilities — no bills, no work, no pressure. But while this is true, it is not a sufficient answer.
The answer has to do with Personality.
It is around the age of 4 or 5 that we begin forming our Personality, and this happens through imitation. We imitate the words, emotions, and behaviours of the people and environments around us, and slowly begin constructing a Personality that becomes almost fully formed by the ages of 15 or 16.
This is important to understand:
Personality is a product of nurture, not nature. We are not born with a Personality. We build it through life experiences.
These experiences come primarily from three environments: our family, our culture, and our society. The norms and rules that define how we should behave in each of these environments are what we assimilate and use to construct our Personality.
Morality is a clear example of this.
I was born and raised in New Zealand, but have spent most of my adult life in Argentina. What is considered acceptable behaviour in one culture can be seen very differently in another. When I first moved to Argentina I found that a lot of the morally acceptable behaviours here were immoral to my upbringing. The opposite was true as well. A lot of the behaviours which were morally acceptable to me, were immoral in Argentina.
This shows that much of what we take to be “who we are” is in fact learned, not inherent.
personality is the bridge between our inner world and the outer world.
The way I am speaking about Personality might make it sound like something negative. This is not the case. Our Personality is essential. It allows us to function, to relate to others, and to navigate through life. It is the bridge between our inner world and the outer world.
So Personality is not the problem.
The problem is our relationship to it.
We have become so attached, so invested, and so identified with our Personality that we struggle to experience ourselves outside of it. All we experience is Personality expressing itself through reactions, opinions, judgements, and justifications. These are the ways in which it becomes visible in our daily life, and we begin to believe that we are nothing more than these reactions, opinions, judgements, and justifications.
But we are much, much more than that.
When we are unconscious of this relationship, of Personality’s psychological impact, we lose the ability to Choose. We cannot choose whether to have a reaction or not. When Personality gets angry, we get angry. When Personality has an opinion, we have an opinion. When Personality chooses to lie to gain something, we lie to gain something.
There is no center from which we can observe what is happening and choose how to respond. When Personality becomes that center, we begin to live the life of a psychological slave.
I use the word “slave” deliberately. When we are fully identified with our Personality, everything that affects it, affects us. Every reaction, every emotion, every thought becomes something we are subjected to, rather than something we can observe, understand, and ultimately choose.
I do not want to make the situation sound dire or depressing. And yet, I am sure there have been moments in your life — as there have been in mine — where things have felt incredibly difficult, overwhelming, and at times even unbearable.
What I would like you to understand is that, in most of those moments, it has been our relationship to our Personality that has made them feel so intense.
This does not mean that if you begin to create a little space or distance between yourself and your Personality, difficult moments will not happen again. They will. That is part of life.
But they do not have to feel like death. You can meet these challenges with strength, confidence, and sobriety. And when you do, you will learn how to grow from them and from the opportunities they bring.
